It’s important to remember that there is no “right” way to face the holidays after loss. It’s okay to let go of certain traditions that no longer bring comfort, to start new ones that feel more meaningful, or even to skip the holidays altogether if that’s what your heart needs. Grief changes the way we experience this season, and it’s natural for old routines to feel different or painful. Give yourself permission to do things differently, whether that means simplifying plans, finding new ways to honor your loved one, or taking a quiet year of rest. It is an act of self-compassion. The holidays will come again, and when they do, you can decide what feels right for you then.
Here are a few of our favorite ways to honor a loved one during the holiday seasons:
- Share a dish – make your loved one’s favorite dish and share it with friends and family.
- Donate – Donate to organizations in honor of your loved one.
- Memory Jar – Invite family and friends to write down memories, quotes, or things they miss/love about your loved one. Read them together during special times.
- Light a Candle – Create a small space with a candle and a photo of your loved one. Invite others to bring something meaningful to add. Light the candle during special times like meals.
- Share a photograph- frame a favorite photo to gift to a family member or friend who is also grieving the loss.
Any holiday can intensify feelings of loss, especially when grieving the death of a loved one. For many, the winter holidays like Christmas and New Year’s can be particularly difficult. It’s natural to feel sadness during this time, and it’s a normal part of the grieving process. Remember, though, that the anticipation of a holiday often feels heavier than the day itself.
Here are a few of our favorite ways to help yourself:
Change Some Traditions: Often, a loss can become more apparent the more we try to recreate the past. Changing traditions and creating new ones can feel healing and a bit freeing. Only keep the ones that are important to you and your family. The change can help acknowledge that the season is not the same because your loved one is missing. Remember what you do the first year, you do not have to do the next year.
Plan ahead: This can eliminate the fear and anxiety of being caught off guard by situations or emotions. Plan for activities that you look forward to and bring you comfort. Once you have made the decision on the role you and your family will play during the holidays, let family and friends know your plans. And it’s okay to leave any event early.
Be Patient and Kind: Remember, just as you would treat a grieving friend or family member with patience and kindness, treat yourself the same way. Brain fog or confusion is a common symptom of grief that can recur around the holidays. It is important to be gentle with ourselves during these emotional times.
Danielle Sienkiewicz, Counseling Intern
